Now that I have a healthy system regulating and processing my emotions and mental scripts efficiently…I am now immersed within a cavern of my unconscious response to relationship situations in which I completely block out all communication and memories associated with a particular person of whom I no longer contact.
This realization dawned on me yesterday when I was impressed with an illumination of why I cut people off dramatically. Throughout my work as a practicing psychic medium, I am no stranger to those who are unprepared and unwilling to review evidence of actual psychic and mediumistic abilities. The truth of these abilities. I was met with many interactions in which others did not receive my awakening in a way that nurtured my newfound awareness.
Close friends of mine who were unable to accept this new side of me. I understand that it is not anyone’s job to validate and to comfort my illusions’ destructions. I understand that many are not capable of processing these truths due to their programming. I understand not everyone is able to embody this awareness during their ‘current’ incarnation. We all have different lessons.
The major key to this equation is the realization of how I isolate and blackout relationships that are no longer serving my potential.
I now see how my mother’s transition to the unseen realms greatly effected how I process ending of relationships. I realize that my thirteen-year-old-self had to block out the memories of my mother and the events surrounding her death in order to protect my psyche. I responded to my grief by isolating all connection to her and the memories associated with her.
I’m turning 31 in under a month on July 17th. The mirroring of 13 within 31. This must be a strong influence on how my being is prepared to see this unconscious trauma response running amok within my underworld.
I recently met up with a friend from college a few months ago. She reminded me of many events within the four years at Wagner College. I was completely immersed within forgetfulness. I could not remember the memories introduced to me throughout me and my friend’s interaction.
I did that? I said that? That happened??
I realize that I disassociate from my memories which this strategy is actually designed to install negative grief responses. There is a healthy response to an ending of a relationship rather than the extremes I gravitate to in order to protect myself from healthily processing the emotions.
I move into a state of forgetfulness.
The point of this post is to show you how ingrained grief responses are playing out in real time even though I ‘think’ I am over the grieving of my mother.
I see how I automatically move into isolation and blackout communication. I see how this negatively influences my reality. I see how this trauma response negates every memory attached to a relationship – even the good memories.
Are you unconsciously responding to your world through your grief trauma response? Are you automatically shutting out people, places, memories, things, XYZ due to a subconscious defense mechanism to protect you from a healthy grieving process?
Now I must integrate this awareness and feel the emotions surrounding ending of relationships.
I see how I isolate myself from those who may just not agree with something rather than the totality of who I am as an individual.