Mediumship Reflections | Losing My Mother

The rain let up on this Thursday afternoon in May and I'm caught in a spell of contemplation. A reflective time on my mediumistic work along with the grieving process over the last 21 years since my mother left physicality.

To think I lost my mom when I was just 13 years old baffles me! What a different life - a lifetime ago. I recently picked up my nephew from school and dropped him off at his house. He is turning 13 in June and I was stunned. I was his age when my mom died. Just 13. Honestly, what a true tragedy to experience. I forget that I went through this process since it has been so long since September 10th 2004 and I believe that this is also a testament to my own healing journey.

I'm not reliving my mother's passing everyday. Sometimes I don't even think about her. More often than not I don't think about her. That isn't something "negative". It just is a fact of life and I've moved along in my life with those deep wounds mostly mended. I'm sure I have lingering wounds and aftermath effects swirling around in my Subconscious which interfere with my day-to-day thought-emotion-action loops. But! In my Conscious Mind...I am healed.

Look. I don't have any formal training in grief counseling or even in psychic and mediumistic work. I have my B.A in Psychology, but what does that even mean?

I have Training from Life.

Sitting across from people in-person, virtually, or on the phone during a mediumistic reading is a process that I take great responsibility in acting and sharing my skills to ensure I am efficient in my work. Mediumship is not easy. The Orchestration of Impressions bombarding my psychic system along with making sure that I am speaking delicately and compassionately.

Direct Experience with real life people in real life experiences in real life readings.

Spirits do bring up the methods of their passing to provide validation. They bring up details which may be uncomfortable, but I really strive to share everything I receive. I deliver the information gently and kindly. You may think from my other entries that I...that I may be a bit fiery in my communication. My Mercury is in Leo and this definitely expresses through my writing voice and writing style. But I am deeply sensitive and I am incredibly empathetic.

My mother's passing was a huge learning curve. I had to choose to go down a path to recover from the trauma. I had to choose to adapt and to modify to my new life's situation. It is what it is. It was what it was. There's no cosmic play to interpret. There's no need to dive into discerning the who/what/when/where/why. There's none of that nonsense parading "spiritual" videos declaring everything you create in your reality is because of you. None of that garbage.

Things happen here out of our control and not of our own fault.

It is difficult to recall a lot of the initial stages of my grieving journey. I just remember the depression and hopelessness. Something that we all experience when we lose a close loved one. Grief.

When I read for a person to do mediumship...I am talking to the spirits way before the reading starts. I tell them to please be as easy to understand as possible. To please use me effectively. To please tell me what I have to deliver to my client and that I will share everything without fear of looking like an ass.

Mediumship is difficult. I said it again. Reading for people in various stages of their grieving journeys. I just do my best and trust in spirit knowing that 1 + 1 = 2.

Navigating the loss of my mother, putting myself on my healing journey, and then acknowledging, nurturing, developing, honoring, and sharing my psychic and mediumistic skills are all that which makes me, I believe, great at my job.

Life taught me. I taught myself. I draw upon the tragedies of my own life to anchor in Empathy and Compassion.

Look...there is a lot of shit that I don't put up with. I care so deeply about my work that I will not go against my strict criteria and my healthy boundaries. I know that I'm not a mean person or arrogant or difficult. My love for my work and the wisdom I gained from my experiences gifted me with anchoring into myself and to honor who I am. Seriously, I am not reading around alcohol. If anyone is rude to me in a reading...goodbye and here's your refund. You can obviously hear the wounds I carry from awful experiences doing this work - hear them in this entry and others.

It is those clients who I know I helped, they thank me for helping them, and the spirits who also thank me are all why I continue to operate my practice.

It is knowing that my mother is working with me every time that I do a reading. My mother and all the other members of my family and a few friends who have left physicality.

Mediumship is about providing glimmers of your loved ones' essences. A glimpse of them through me to show you that they are still with you as you navigate your life's journey. A sliver of hope to help with the sadness.

I'm glad that I'm having this contemplating Thursday afternoon. It makes me want to continue doing my work and to really appreciate all those who request me to read for them and the spirits who orchestrated the readings.